Tired

Other than complaining about the tired I feel, there's really nothing else I want to say today. I know I could stay up later... but keeping in mind that I actually have other assignments to read, and that I actually want to be functional later today... I know I should go to bed.

Crests and Troughs

Life is like a wave.
Sometimes in the crests
other times in the troughs.

This year, I feel that I can never spend any certain amount of time
in any one area of the wave.
I'm fearful of enjoying the crests,
because a trough is sure to follow.
It's most certain.
Fearful of celebrating
a great accomplishment...
or at least an accomplishment I deem great,
for fear of a blow from stage left t
hat might belly-flop me on the ground.

but i cannot be fearful.
I must not be fearful.
And if I choose to be fearful,
then I must choose daily
to confront those fears.
And if I'm going to spend time
nursing fears to life
only to confront and kill them...

Why do I fear?

affectionate blooms

I've finally admitted to myself.
I like what I see.
I like the atmosphere and the presence.
I like the pleasantness of the countenance.

And I'm trying not to.

There's something that happens to me when I finally admit stuff like this.
It feels like I've given away a piece of myself.

And I desperately want it back.
now.

because...
I've admitted this same feeling before
and have had my feelings
disrespected.
made light of.
as if my feelings were worth
the same
as the dirt
on the ground...
minus a few dollars...

admitting this...
feels like a loss of power.

But it's not a power loss.
It's a mighty gain.
Admitting affection in its baby form,
wriggling, crying, needing nurturing and food...

Wondering where time and circumstances will carry it.
Knowing that if friendship is the only stop,
I'll have another pleasant, kind, God-fearing friend in my life.

And for the first time I can remember...
I am o.k. with that.

The Net At Home

Finally, I've come from the dark ages into the 21st century! Internet at home! Yay! I know it seems like i'm rejoicing over something so commonplace, but when I have to drive 12 or so miles to the NW part of the city... just to get to the school library so i can use the internet... when in a normal town it would take 10 or so minutes to drive an equal distance... Yeah, I'm rejoicing big time over this. I can do this from my bed, in my bed, don't have to sit up, can close this mug turn over and go to sleep, get up in the middle of the night, open this thing and type some more if I feel the urge... Oh, thank God!