affectionate blooms

I've finally admitted to myself.
I like what I see.
I like the atmosphere and the presence.
I like the pleasantness of the countenance.

And I'm trying not to.

There's something that happens to me when I finally admit stuff like this.
It feels like I've given away a piece of myself.

And I desperately want it back.
now.

because...
I've admitted this same feeling before
and have had my feelings
disrespected.
made light of.
as if my feelings were worth
the same
as the dirt
on the ground...
minus a few dollars...

admitting this...
feels like a loss of power.

But it's not a power loss.
It's a mighty gain.
Admitting affection in its baby form,
wriggling, crying, needing nurturing and food...

Wondering where time and circumstances will carry it.
Knowing that if friendship is the only stop,
I'll have another pleasant, kind, God-fearing friend in my life.

And for the first time I can remember...
I am o.k. with that.