post-bed time

It's two a friggin clock in the morning. Of course I should be in the bed. but i am not. i am writing a brief for class... I am writing a....
and a....
and a....

it's always writing or reading something.

i'm not mad, i'm just wondering when I'll be able to get a full night of sleep.

Just curious.

But at least it's fun, what i'm doing.

they may be wrong

just because they said it,
don't make it so.
it's right in their mind, but
their mind is anchored in their reality...

not necessarily in the world of hopefulness
of what can be
of what i know is already...
even though they can't see it
hear it
taste or touch
it.

just because they said it,
don't mean it's fact
it's their truth
untested by my determination
drive
persistence.

listening

I wish I were listened to more sometimes. Do I really have to overact in order to have my opinion heard?

Maybe that's what's necessary.

I am tired.

I miss my family.

The weather is cold.

It is supposed to snow more on Friday.

I need some sunshine.

I need more understanding.

I need more fruit.

I need to go shopping.

I need to improve in a lot of areas...

I am getting worried about... the summer...

I'm tired of worrying.

It's overrated.

And I put it down... for now.
it's a struggle to leave it down, away from me.
But it's too heavy a burden to carry.

Mentor

I met my mentor yesterday. I caught the metro to his workplace which, according to him is in a sort of bad area. He told of shootings and the fast food restaurant parking lot that I could walk to in order to score a rock of crack.

But before he shared all that, He met me in the lobby of his workplace, took me to his office where I dropped off all my stuff--my backpack, purse and checked-out camera from the photography department.

On the way to see the facility, I met his office staff. Nice folks. I don't remember not a one of their names, but I do remember the office was calm and they seemed cool.

My mentor is a tall man, with honest-looking blue eyes, and thinning graying hair... and of course, there's that familiar voice I used to hear on the national airwaves... comforting, soothing... and he really talks like that.

He gave me a tour of his workplace... The studio for his show, where other satellite channels operate... with every genre I could think of, and then some.

I asked him how they handle weather, since they broadcast over the entire country. He showed me where that's done.

After the tour we returned to his office and shot the breeze. He told me about his mentor, Ed Bliss, and what a wonderful man he thought Bliss was. He shared about his kindness, but his brutal honesty when it came to writing. I felt like there was a connection to places that still exist in altered state--our share university--while adding the priceless spice of linking me with times and situations and experiences that occurred before I was even planted on my mommy's uterine wall.

He also shared about another friend, Red Barber.

He shared his most memorable story in 40 years of broadcasting, he signed one of his books and gave it to me. I've already started reading it. It's about broadcast journalism pioneer Edward R. Murrow. He gave me two CDs--one with an audio documentary, the other with his most memorable interview, which was with a gentleman from Los Angeles. I also got a t-shirt.

I shared with him the address for my portfolio blog, hoping to get feedback... and next time, he'll rip my copy to shreds. I'm to bring in hard copies of stuff I've written.

I'm expecting that to be brutal. But my goal is growth, so criticism is necessary.

The first visit was very nice. I hope the same or better for the second.

Summary of the Day

I am learning that I may not be on the right track. I think I need to find some other area of my field to explore. I love telling stories, but man... I am too slow. The stories are good... at least that's me talking in my mind... but i take way to long to produce them. No one will want to hire me like this... maybe they will, but they sure won't keep me. How do I get faster? If practice doesn't do it, I don't know what will.

I will continue to learn from those around me and if it happens that daily news isn't for me, then it isn't for me, and I must pursue something else.

One thing I can say about myself is this: I need time for a story to sink into my mind, swirl around, settle a bit... And then I can shake the information up again and come up with a coherent, well written piece.

Also... I don't perform well when rushed.

Is this just how I am wired, or can this change?

I am confused... yet again. But part of working through the confusion is coming to a conclusion. I'm just not there yet.

I'm lonely and I miss my family.

Happy for the weekly 24

Can't nobody (I am aware this grammar is terrible) tell me the weekly 24 isn't wonderful. I mean, after a week packed and bustling, running to and fro, reading this and that, feeling down because of that C+ I got on a law brief... Feeling elated for the B I got in the seminar editorial... and still determined to crank out A grades... then following debates, thinking about whether or not each candidate is full of hot air or not... wondering where I will cast my vote... It's great to have just 24, the weekly 24 where I can throw that stuff to the wind and just relax.

And Who do I have to thank for the weekly 24?

God.

Thank God for the Weekly 24.

Mentor

My mentor e-mailed me today. We're going to meet next week! Yay!